Healthy Mate Selection

Contributed by Pastor Norman Curlee 

of Word Alive Church

June 2019

What would you consider the two most important decisions in life? If you are a follower of Christ, I am sure you may suggest a decision to accept or reject Jesus Christ and perhaps next would be choosing a life partner in marriage. Often people who have experienced what we often call “a broken heart,” in their dating experiences have a tendency to live in an arena of anxiety and insecurity when it comes to considering marriage. The fear of making another poor choice and after dating someone for a length of time and then the person decides they want to end the relationship, can lead to emotional anxieties and self-esteem issues. In some cultures, mate selection is done through a bargaining agreement of parents, as witnessed in the Bible. However, in our western world the process is usually different.  Most of us would perhaps agree that in today’s society marriage is no longer held in high esteem as in time past. The sacredness and permanence of it is slowly fading away. Living together out of wedlock, entering marriages casually, and dissolving marriages freely are all accepted parts of the Western way of life. To wisely choose a life partner of the opposite sex and the commitment to live with one’s chosen mate “for better or for worse” have been replaced with a self-centered attitude that sees marriage as a convenient living arrangement that can always be terminated if love grows old.

Therefore, believers have to look to the Word of God as a guiding light in making one of life’s most important decisions. Below are a few wisdom nuggets to ponder: Consider their spiritual position and practice. Ask the following questions:

  • Is my potential mate a believer (2 Cor. 6:14)?

  • Does his or her life show evidence of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23)?

  • Have my potential life partner and I discussed our spiritual lives, struggles and goals?

  • Do my potential mate and I spend time praying together and reading God’s Word?

  • Do we both agree on church and our world views?

  • Does the person show signs of maturity?

  • Does the person have a growing independence from the control of family and friends?

  • Does the person have the capacity to assume responsibility?

  • Does the person have the ability to acknowledge but control emotions?

  • Is there a willingness to postpone immediate gratification so that greater satisfaction can be obtained in the future?

  • Does the person have a realistic and essentially positive self-image?

These are just a few questions to think about in order to make a healthy mate selection decision. If you have no intention of marrying for whatever healthy reason, that is fine. Great people in the Bible were not married and yet fulfilled God’s will in the earth. If you desire to get married and feel there is no positive outlook on that occurring, be encouraged and find your fulfillment in healthy relationships with family, friends and other’s you meet along life’s journey. Above all, live your life in serving God and finding fulfillment in whatever state you find yourself for the glory of God (Philippians 4:11-13).

 

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